well, nowadays, i am wondering here and there, why some people they are just born to be a princess while some don't?? and ya from what i am writing now i am one of them doesn't born to be a princess!! oh.. i really admire them.. they are treated so good and always get what they want!! like, they will get present that they like when they just say one word, they wouldn't need to worry about stuff like oh am i pretty?? will guys like me?? will people like my style?? will people want to make friends with me?? while, i really wanna be one too but it just always in my LALA LAND and i just know that it will never be true!! so that is why i always tell myslef every girl is a princess and they will one day find their true prince one day!! But i always lock my princess self up cause i just don't feel like i want them to see because i just feel that why should i be showing my true princess self when i know most of them will not bother about it also, there are so fear in me too, i am not like what you all see i am not as brave or as strong as what you guys think so i am really afraid if i let you all see most of you will be sure to bully me and i always feel that if i really show my true self you all will think i am weak and soft and wouldn't be friends with me.. so this is really what i feel..
Plus, when i was small, i like to read cinderella and up till now, i still like it because of something that happen to me when i was small and i feel like ya i am a little like cinderella but what i think is that the prince in my life would never appear because i always never let them be close to me!! i mean erm like BGR like kind of close because i still had my fear in me up till now due to that stupid guy who told me all this crap!! the crap is : ' you!! you!! wanna me to be friend!! fat chance lah!! look at you, you so fat, so ugly!! you doesn't deserve to be my friend at all'. and he is also my 1st crush do yo know that and it make me until so upsad and i really feel like killing myself that is why i had become so damm bad when i was in primary sch!! while, in seconadry school, i change to proctect myself and act brave and that's is what i am now......
And now, i look at myslef, i really feel even more terrible, i had illness, i maybe going to be blind, and really sometimes i just feel like totally giving up my life.. like sometimes when i am walking on the roads, i will try to walk very slow because i just think that why not let the car bang me and so i will just go like this!! so i can be free from my illness, my medication, my thinking and feelings.. but when i sometimes re-called some of the life thing like in KENYA the children there are worst them me, when they are born, most of them are really poor thing, they have aids in their body and they cannot even study to like make their future better!! also, that place sometimes also have war too and plus their resourses is more limited than us, Singapore!! like they wouldn't get to eat what we are eating now, like fast food and also what western food!! also like some of the children in Singapore are also very poor thing too, they also like me, need to go thought harsh treatment!! and what's more is that maybe some of their parents doesn't even care about them!! but they still continue to live on like normal children and they continue to be strong and doesn't give up life so easily..so actually i am counted lucky that i have friends that concern me in Singapore and also my family that care about me also i am happy that i am in Singapore so now what my dreams is after i got this kind of illness is that hope i can go country like KENYA or other poor country to help them^^ cause at least i can spread my happienss and my laughter hahas.. and let them know that there are people caring for them so don't give up hor!! jia you!! i hope all of you will continus to live on^^ and i hope that i can be like them, continue to be strong!! and hope that i doesn't give up my life so easily..^>^ so take care.. from: fangyi^^
*website to find out more about things in kenya:
http://www.wfp.org/crisis-horn-africa?gclid=COTn8uCeo5wCFY0vpAodaETMkA *
